A weekly blog about how to quit dieting for good using an intuitive eating and health at every size approach.
Not going to lie to you guys, I've spent most of this week daydreaming about all the glorious foods I fully plan on indulging in this Thanksgiving.
Decorative pumpkins everywhere remind me of the autumnal delights that are awaiting me on the Thanksgiving table.
I've also spent this week working on a rockin' blog post for your Black Friday hangover next week that needs some attentive finishing touches.
To tide you over, here's an awesome video from Bustle:
Okay, now get to that pie.
I like calling out the bad guy. When it comes to naming the bad guy, I'm a fan of pointing to...
BIG
BAD
CORPORATIONS
Big bad FOOD companies are making money charging for cheap food. Big bad DIET companies keep convincing people to buy more diets even though they don't work. The big bad BEAUTY industry makes money off making women feel bad about how their body is now.
This is important mostly because a lot of women I know feel defeated by these industries. We feel like high quality food is expensive and hard to find. We can't quit our "addiction" to cheese puffs because they're designed to make you crave them and eat more than your body needs. And, as long as the diet and beauty industry exist, we'll all feel too much shame to change our behavior.
I get up in arms (not literally... I do the occasional push up) about the injustices we have in our society because, well, there are a lot. And often, there's a lot of cash to be made off these injustices. But do companies just sell things because they're money-grubbing and they don't care how they can make a buck? OR do they do it because people want to buy these things? Is it the chicken or the egg?
Could it be the egg? Could consumers change what they're buying? What we choose to see and believe doesn't have to continue to be the same.
The thrust of uplifting food docs that I've seen often suggest that we can change the world by "voting with our fork." And when it comes to body positivity, I think we can vote with our clicks, our views, and our purchases.
Here's how:
1. Unfollow and stop looking at websites for companies and ideas that make you feel bad about yourself
I've done this. When I started following a bunch of yogis because I love yoga, I had a few too many skinny white girls doing crazy contorted poses in pants that I couldn't afford. Now, every time I see a skinny white lady telling me that having the body of my dreams is just one green juice cleanse away, I'm one click away from unfollowing her.
2. Monitor what you look at and what you agree to look at on the internet.
In the 2.0 world, it's kind of cool how much we can control this. I mean have you read that Target article? Have you ever noticed how the web sites you visit affect the ads you see on Google and Facebook? Ever pinned something on Zappos and suddenly you keep getting advertisements for sensible shoes? It's kind of creepy but what you choose to look at affects what comes to you (but please tell my boyfriend that the engagement ring ads are simply because of my demographic not because I've been looking at engagement rings).
With services like Hulu, you can actually tell them an ad is or isn't "related" to you. I love that I can give feedback to the app and click (hell) "no" when that question pops up. I will acknowledge that any advertisements that include puppies get a (hell) "yes."
3. Start following and clicking on information that makes you feel good about yourself.
Say what you will about millenials or Shark Tank or whatever but every business these days seems to have dreams beyond their products. I mean there's period panties you can buy that give away feminine hygiene products to girls in need of them.
When it comes to body positivity, there's A LOT of awesome people out there who are selling ideas, products and lifestyles that are not the status quo. Exposure to more diverse bodies makes us more comfortable with diverse bodies.
Not to be too cheesy, or should I say "cheese puffy," but be the change you want to see in the world. What you click, what you follow, what you buy helps us to change the market.
Do you think that never eating your favorite food again is going to "change your life?"
I did.
I'll never forget study abroad in Argentina. It was a glorious time where I enjoyed dancing, late-night dinners, and eating lots of steak and dulce de leche, the Nutella of South America. I also spent a good amount of time worrying about my weight and "engordar," or getting fat as they say in español. So I restricted food at lunch, ate "too many" snacks and then I ate dinner, too. All of my sins I confessed guiltily in my food diary each night. I did, however, live in blissful ignorance of any weight gain because there were no scales in my life at the time.
And then, I returned to 'Murrica (USA) and I went to the gym and stepped on a scale (scales are stupid). Unfortunately, my first thought was, "Oh no. I have engordandoed!"
And so, I sought to "change my life" or find a "sustainable solution." I wanted to "start healthy habits."
This meant that I vowed to never really eat pizza or french fries. I would try to eat "lite dinners" that left me feeling hungry for lots of dessert afterward. And, I would plan lengthy runs that I was never in the mood for. Of course, it didn't work the way I thought it would. I ate pizza and skipped my workouts sometimes and ate "too much." And my primary motivation was weight loss. It was not about whether or not I was healthy. I wanted to maintain a lower weight.
Lifestyle change or "being healthy" is a wolf in sheep's clothing. It's code for diet.
I was recently listening to Katie Daleabout on Summer Innanen's podcast, Fearless Rebelle Radio. She was discussing her eating disorder and the process of recovery. She brings up how her eating disorder was couched in "being healthy" so much that she even convinced herself. She states:
"The interesting thing is that you know in like the 90s and the 80s, dieting was just as prevalent as it is now but now we call it "being healthy." Back then, dieting wasn't like really necessarily cool. It was just, they called a spade a spade, right? They called it dieting. It was clear that that was for vanity.Whereas now, we a lot of times are dieting but people call it, "oh I'm just trying to be healthy"... It's not necessarily healthy, first of all. And, if you're doing it for weight loss, if you're doing it to manipulate the size and shape of your body, not just to feel really good, then it's dieting. Whether you're doing that through green juice or you're doing that through low-calorie low-fat whatever whatever 90s type of dieting, doesn't really matter, it's still dieting."
Back in the 90s and 80s, working girls were wearing sneakers and shoulders pads and switching to high heels and diets when they got to work.
But in those times, people called diets, "diets" and it was clear that they were doing it to look like Melanie Griffith or Molly Ringwald. It was absolutely about weight loss. It was a time where the fitness industry was really starting to take off. People were trying to get "physical, physical."
Diet culture often frames diets as "lifestyle changes" when in reality they are diets.
Now diets are far more insidious because we can't even clearly see that a diet is for weight loss or body shaping. It may not necessarily be healthy for you, especially if it's causing you to drop down to a weight that is not within your normal healthy body range. If you're changing what you're eating in order to change your body shape or size, it is a diet. Juice cleanses, no pizza ever, the cookie diet, no-carb, low-carb, no oil, Whole30, paleo, vegan shananahammocks, these are all example of diets if you're doing them to CHANGE YOUR BODY SHAPE OR SIZE.
My impression is that most people think that if we want "lasting weight loss," we need to make a "lifestyle change." AKA if you just eat enough fruits and vegetables, regularly attend your hot yoga class, and never eat [insert your favorite food here] again, you'll finally be able to lose the 30 pounds and keep it off for the rest of your life.
Many believe we're just not "changing our lifestyle" enough to lose the weight.
#Sorrynotsorry to be the angry feminist in the room once again but fat people aren't fat because they haven't "changed their lifestyle" or don't care about health. Most people know they need to exercise and need to eat fruits and vegetables. And most people are trying to do that. Some are even successfully doing that. And guess what?! They might not lose the weight.
I'm glad that people are stoked about making sustainable changes, especially if they're monitoring their health in ways that don't involve standing on a scale and frowning at their body in the mirror.
After all, I really believe that we need to make moves that we can actually stick to in order to make our lives truly better. My hope is that we can change what we're eating not for vanity if health is our main concern. Because vanity doesn't necessarily make you healthier.
Women can be really mean, especially to each other.
One thing I talk about with women all the time is how we are hardest on each other. For example, I don’t really ever wear makeup for my boyfriend. He actually hates it but I’ll wear it when I’m spending the night with the girls (partially because I vainly don’t want to look like the tired one in pictures. Just being real, guys).
When I talk to men, we usually have some weird external topic we talk about: movies, politics, or local sports teams. And with many of my female friendships since my middle school days, I often find myself in conversations with other women about other women. It could be the ritual of female conversation. I know it’s the way I learned to connect with other women. I admit I get kind of a weird adrenaline hit when one woman reveals to me what she really thinks about another woman. Especially if it’s someone I’ve been struggling with, too.
Putting aside how it’s nice to be validated and the intimacy of sharing secrets with a new friend, I want to just deal with what we get out of statements like these:
“Yeah, but did you see her outfit? She seems like she’s begging for attention.”
“Oh my glob. She’s wearing globs of makeup. She’s clearly insecure.”
Oooof. Please don’t hate me, dear readers. I haven’t uttered these exact sentences but I’ve said some pretty mean stuff in my day. Obviously, not all women are like this, but this is a real thing. I’ll cite Tina Fey’s Mean Girls for this one. I’m not exactly 100% sure WHY we do it. Stuff Mom Never Told You has a few ideas though.
What I do know, however, is that it almost never makes me feel better.
Ann Friedman, podcaster with and long distance bestie of Aminatou Sow, wrote an article for NY Magazine discussing a concept called “shine theory.” The basic gist of this concept is that women should be celebrating each other. “I don’t shine if you don’t shine” is the refrain. In other words, if one of our friends is doing well, it helps us do better.
When it comes to looking at body image and trying to change how you think about your own body, I find “shine theory” helpful.
For much of my life, maybe because I was a competitive swimmer, I have been sizing other women up (again, I’m SOOOO sorry). I used to think that if I could be better than the other woman in the room, I would feel better about myself. Maybe not even on a conscious level. I’d think, "Well, she’s wearing a bikini and she’s not even as thin as I am," and suddenly, I’d be feeling okay about my bikini-wearing status.
In reality though, later on, I would go home and think, “what if the other girls were looking at my body the way I had seen another woman.” My metaphorical stomach would sink and I’d feel like I needed to judge myself with that same critical eye that gazed upon other women so harshly. This is what Ann Friedman points out in her article:
“Contrary to deep-seated theories of female competition, I don’t think that competition made either of us any better or happier.”
And that's just the thing. I don’t think that it actually makes us feel better to see others as below us. I don’t think we actually improve our self-esteem by cutting down and shaming other women. I think when we’re mean and critical of other women, eventually we turn our gaze inward and say horrible, mean things to ourselves.
In positive psychology, there’s evidence to suggest that focusing on what we’re grateful for makes us happier. And, when it comes to body image, I love to look in the mirror and focus on what’s beautiful instead of my flaws. It really helps me feel better-looking (too bad I can't see how brilliant I am in the mirror).
My advice is to look at other women in the same way. Look for what you might like about them.
See the other women in bikinis who have those super stylish sunglasses that you want or their hilarious conversation about Broad City. In fact, according to this super scientific Huff post article, identifying traits in someone you admire as being similar to you actually boosts self-esteem.
Besides, as Ann Friedman also writes:
“Also, it’s just plain tough out there — for all the aforementioned reasons about the economy and the dating scene and body-image pressures. I want the strongest, happiest, smartest women in my corner, pushing me to negotiate for more money, telling me to drop men who make me feel bad about myself, and responding to my outfit selfies from a place of love and stylishness, not competition and body-snarking.”
It’s hard enough out there to fight the patriarchy. We might as well lift each other instead of making it harder.
Do you ever go to places just because there's pizza?
This time last year I had the awesome opportunity to go to a party hosted by Heritage Radio Network in the super hipster super cool backyard of Roberta's Pizza in Bushwick Brooklyn. It was a sunny day and I got to eat pizza and feel good about myself.
Carlo Petrini, founder of the international Slow Food movement, spoke. I was worried it was going to be a lot of fat-shaming "obesity epidemic" bologna but there it was: the intersection of my passion for the local food movement and my fairly newly discovered interest in the body positive movement said in one perfect sentence.
"We spend more money getting thin than nourishing ourselves."
Carlo Petrini hit the nail on the head. I honestly can't remember if I heard this in Italian translated to English or if Mr. Petrini was actually so pissed off about it that he knew how to say in English.
We waste our time, our resources, our thoughts. Many women spend these precious commodities wanting to destroy their bodies and hating their bodies. Instead of learning to love our bodies and actually take care of them, humans have learned how to get six-pack abs in 6 days.
I have spoken before in my posts about how companies stand to profit from women's low self-esteem. And, if you knew me in college, you would also know that companies are also making big money from making less nutritious food. This less nutritious food isn't even always more pleasurable. I'm looking at you, Dominos. Your pizza doesn't taste good.
In my own journey toward learning how to eat intuitively, I had to shut off the Michael Pollan documentary in my head.
In reality, loving and accepting all bodies and making good food available are two sides of the same coin.
I'm really big fan of the story of stuff and Bill Mckibben's book, Deep Economy. Look I read the book but for simplicity's sake, wikipedia defines deep economy as:
"one that cares less about quantity than about quality; that takes as its goal the production of human satisfaction as much as surplus material;that is focused on the idea that it might endure and considers durability as least as important as increases in size."
Supporting organic and locally grown foods is all about trying to "vote with your fork." It's about supporting the kind of world you would like to live in economically. Supporting health at every size is similar.
When you support this movement, you are supporting a world where women don't feel like they need to be thin. It supports a world that cares about helping people have quality lives instead of thinner lives.
Locavores see delicious and nutritious food as high priorities for society. Quality and variety foods are promoted in lieu of corn subsidies for high fructose corn syrup, a well known hamburglar of health.
The body positive movement similarly cares about creating sustainable healthy lives for people that aren't just quick weight-loss products that don't last in the long term.
The body positive movement sees happiness and satisfaction as its end goal. Weight-loss products and the diet industry often emphasize short-term solutions that are unsustainable. Even the cookie diet is hard to stick to.
Sustainability is a priority for the locavore. We can't continue with a monoculture. All the methane that all the cows we're eating are releasing has long-term effects on global warming.
I'm not just bringing all this up because I want to justify my really expensive college education in which I watched a bunch of food documentaries on Netflix for research papers, but maybe, a little bit.
Pollanistas, meet the body positive movement. I think we're going to be friends.
