Math can be easier than sadness

Math is easier than human emotions sometimes. 

At a point not too long ago, shortly after my conversion to intuitive eating, I was at a crossroads. A few things were shifting in my life and I was feeling a little uncertain about the future. 

Meanwhile, my wonderful partner had just finished a program that would put him and his classmates on the path to lucrative and promising careers. I went to celebrate with them. 

And I was happy for them. The celebration started early on in the day and basically consisted of constant access to delicious food and beverage all day and well into the night. I allowed myself to eat, drink and be merry. Intuitively. 

Or so I thought. As the day went on, I felt a few old fears creeping up. I felt really full. Then, this old mean voice came up in my head again. Amy Poehler might call it, "the demon." 

"Ugh" It said, "You're so fat." 

"Eating all day? You're out of control." It said.

Ever the people-pleaser, I said to that demon, "I'm not 'out of control!' I have a calorie tracking app so I'll just put in what I ate today and I'm sure it'll be fine."

When we got home, I needed to prove myself to that asshole demon, so I started filing away all the data. Half-way through, I stopped. For one thing, the numbers weren't what I wanted to see. They didn't make me feel better. They didn't prove anything to the demon. 

I felt the sadness and anxiety well up in my throat. 

This was the big "a-ha! moment" for me. I realized that I didn't care about "getting fat" really. I didn't feel like I had "it" together. Probably because I spent the day hanging out with a bunch of people who were celebrating feeling like they had "it" together. 

Perhaps you can relate. Life can feel out of control at times. It's why I used to find great solace in tracking and controlling food.

 Adding up the calories of the beers and burritos I consumed was easier than trying to figure out my career trajectory.

The fancy clinical word for this is "coping mechanism." It's something I heard a hundred times while working at the eating disorder treatment center. Many times eating disorder "behaviors," like restricting, binging, purging, or obsessing about food served a purpose for those using them. They provided a way of managing a tough time. 

If you find yourself emotionally eating or thinking about food or feeling fat or feeling like you WANT to control food, here are some things you can do: 

1. Identify the "behavior" as a coping mechanism. 

There's a big difference between eating ice cream mindlessly for hours and eating ice cream because you knew you had a hard day at work. 

If you notice that you're eating weirdly or getting extra anxious around food, it might be a symptom of something else going on in your life. Awareness is so underrated but it's so helpful. Just knowing that what you're doing serves you in some way can help you realize what's going on.

2. There might be a more direct way of managing your distress. 

If you do notice that your "behaviors" crop up more when other things are going on, it's an opportunity to address your issue head on. Instead of compartmentalizing by doing something else, notice what triggers "behaviors" and address the triggers. Treat the cause, not the symptom. This might mean seeking out a therapist or another professional who is trained to help you work it out. 

 In my case, I had to accept my own situation and learn how to be happy with that. I journaled a lot and tried to find ways to get a little more clarity about my next steps. 

3. Trust Yourself and Your Body

Remember that you can't really control your body weight. Increasing research suggests that your body weight is set to to stay within a certain range that is healthy for your body in particular. The fancy science people call this, "set point theory."  While you may temporarily be able to restrict food, ultimately, your body wants you to be healthy and survive. It will take measures to keep you where you are supposed to be. 

Sometimes relaxing into this can help us be present to and mindful of the issues in our lives and the "coping mechanisms" we're using to manage the difficulties in our lives. 

And honestly, it's easier than doing math. 

A Quest for Immortality

There can only be one highlander. 

Sometimes, studying nutrition feels like searching for immortality. I know I'm guilty of pursuing a way out of my inevitable fate. 

I REALLY struggled with this in my more "disordered" days with food. I have always considered myself to be a smart person, so it always really frustrated me that I couldn't just FIGURE it out. I used to spend hours hopping around the internet to every article I could find about "what to eat to live to be 100". Can cantaloupes keep you from aging? Can avoiding butter keep my heart safe? If I get enough Vitamin C, can I prevent cancer? 

This a rough part of being human. We want so badly to be in control. We want a say in how many years we get. 

This makes nutrition is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, research has shown that managing your diet can prevent and reverse heart disease, and decrease risk for cancer.  

On the other hand, nutrition is a "fledgling science" and for every study that proves that one food or nutrient is good for you, there seems to be another that says otherwise. When I attended the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN), I experienced this time and time again, learning over 100 different dietary theories from some of the most renowned nutrition researchers in the world. 

This is why I have found great solace in intuitive eating.

Intuitive eating has shown me HOW to make sense of all the different information out there about food. 

Intuitive eating has taught me (along with lots of research) that restriction and dieting can really hurt me in the long run. It's taught me that over-exercising and stressing about how many french fries I've eaten is not particularly great for my physiology. It's taught me that I can be healthy at any size and that every body is different. Intuitive eating has taught me how to LISTEN to my body and honor my body. 

So, when fear of death makes you want to sign up for yet another diet, here's what I recommend: 

1. Know that restriction is actually bad for you.

This is something that I talk about all the time. Calorie restriction slows down your metabolism and can physiologically set your body up for a binge of the very foods you're trying to restrict. This puts stress on your body.

Vacillating between following your meal plan 100% and 0% is actually worse for you than following it pretty well 60% of the time. Recognize that life ebbs and flows. Your diet, “lifestyle," or eating plan should learn how to roll with the punches too. 

2. Stress is bad for you too. 

I’m not going to spend a long time explaining this one. We know stress is bad. Bad for your heart, bad for your immune system, bad for your sex life, bad for your relationships, bad for your teeth, bad for your hormones. 

Stressing about whether or not that cheeseburger could kill you could kill you. So, let it go. 

3. Accept your body. 

Shame will not make you healthier. Actually, in my personal experience, it's pretty terrible motivation.

So what if your healthiest weight happens to be 100 pounds heavier than Gisele's? It's YOUR body and you deserve to be loved and taken care of your whole life. If you have limited control on how long you have on planet earth, at least you should be grateful for the sculpture of cells that is you.

4. Accept your differences. 

 Joshua Rosenthal, the founder of Institute for Integrative Nutrition, is a big fan of the concept of "bio-individuality." This concept suggests that each person needs different nutrition. Certain foods work better with different bodies. 

Tuning in to your body's individual responses to food and how it makes you feel is an important part of taking care of yourself and a powerful tool for figuring out whether or not certain foods are really the right ones for you.

5. Be grateful for today. 

Gratitude cultivates presence. Presence nourishes mindfulness. Mindfulness is AWESOME for your health. But, it's also awesome for helping you maintain a sense of self. It can help you decide what you want to spend your time doing, how you want to feel and what you want to eat. 

You are living your life right now, so instead of focusing sooo much on securing another 5-10 years at the end of your life, focus on being happy about today and really savor the present. 

YOLO

Stop Counting Carbs

They did NOT count carbohydrates in the Paleolithic era.  

Imagine that! People didn't think about calculating anything. They just ate. I could see ancient humans being worried about the lions eating all the wild chickens. I could see them worrying about accidentally eating a poisonous berry, but I don't think they were really concerned about whether or not they had a thigh gap. 

What's cool about the Paleo community is that they seem interested in going back to a time when people didn't really worry so much about "getting fat." 

Paleo diet people seem to want to return to our bodies' natural instincts when it comes to deciding how to move and how to eat. And frankly, that's pretty exciting because people want to eat simply again and listen to their bodies instead of calculating calories, tracking points, or measuring food. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the human body has amazing capabilities if we're willing to just listen. 

BUT....... 

The grand irony of the Paleo community is that many of the people who wanted to return to a simpler time are often the very ones counting carbohydrates via percentages, fitness apps, or counting up the grams on nutrition labels.

Carbohydrates really are okay. They're a macronutrient that is actually necessary to survival. Also, both fruits and vegetables contain carbohydrates.

So instead of COUNTING carbohydrates, here's how to listen to your body and learn how carbohydrates affect you: 

1. Notice your hunger/fullness. 

Simple carbohydrates like the ones we find in simple sugars and refined grains (e.g. white rice, white bread) do not contain much fiber or protein. Protein, fiber and fat all take the body longer to digest and keep you fuller for longer. Pay attention to which carbs fill you up for awhile. 

2. Pay attention to your digestion. 

This one definitely builds on the last one because people who have difficulty with digestion might experience more gas and bloating from high fiber foods. Sometimes refined grains are easier to digest for people with digestive issues. 

However, because of the high amount of fiber in whole grain foods, they can be super beneficial for helping move waste out of the body. 💩

3. Watch your mood. 

Sometimes the biggest issue with sugar and simple carbohydrates is the sugar roller coaster: sugar highs and sugar lows. This can be pretty gnarly on your overall mood if you're constantly swinging between the two. If you've been feeling a little too high and a little too low, it might be time to reconsider your sugar intake or processed/refined food intake. 

(I wrote another blog post back in February about mood regulation, carbs, and serotonin. Check that out here!). 

4. Monitor for any other health issues. 

Refined carbohydrates can increase triglycerides. For diabetics, monitoring glucose levels is a matter of vital importance. For others, refined grains can increase inflammation in the body making arthritis worse. For those with allergies, eating corn, wheat, soy, and dairy can cause all sorts of crazy problems in the body. 

Notice changes in your body, cumulative or sudden, and make sure you're getting regular check-ups and blood work with your healthcare provider to monitor for life-threatening issues like heart disease and diabetes. And, of course, please listen to your doctors and take care of yourself (AKA keep counting carbohydrates if you have a medical condition that requires it). 

When looking at carbohydrates and your body, remember to do it from a place of SELF-LOVE. Everybody is different. You just have to listen to yours. Just like our ancestors did. 

Looking "Healthy"

If you've been reading my blog for a while, by now you're probably really comfortable with the idea that you don't have to be super skinny to be healthy. 

Most of us have seen pictures like this and believe that we don't need to be only skin, bone, and muscle to be healthy. 

But...

How do you view health? Do you think you can tell if someone is healthy just by looking at them? 

I used to worry about this soooo much. If I felt fat, I was "SURE" the cheesecake I had the day before had caused a 5 pound weight gain. Cellulite? I "KNEW" that was the result of not working out that week. 

I used to think you could EYEBALL my health indiscretions. 

This made me feel like Big Brother was always watching. And my body revealed every misstep like a scarlet J for junk food or L for lazy.  I thought, for sure, people could see what I had done wrong with my body. 

I truly believed this. I was a regular Ayn Rand about body size. I figured if you were "overweight," that it was your responsibility. I thought getting to a "healthy" body was simply a matter of hard work and dedication. I thought we all had the tools and resources to look healthy. We just had to pull ourselves up by our booty-boot-camp straps. 

 Not all bodies are designed to be chiseled like Jillian Michaels and Channing Tatum. 

You can't tell somebody's story just by looking at their body. You don't know their genetics. You don't know if they've lost 100 pounds to get to where they are. You don't know if it's healthy for them. Some people are healthiest at larger sizes. Some are born to be small. Some are muscular. Unless you're a trained medical professional, it's just not your job to assess their physical well-being by giving them the up-and-down.

And, frankly, my dear, you shouldn't give a damn.

The truth is, regardless of one's size, human beings are entitled to freedom. Freedom to choose what to do with their lives. Freedom to eat freedom fries and liberty toast. People should be allowed to eat cheesecake and skip the gym. Life is not about doing everything right all the time. 

And that sounds alright to me.