Mo' skinny, mo' problems.

It always seems so good at first. The glee. The satisfaction. The pride. The new way your clothes fit. 

I'm talking about weight loss. 

I've been through the ringer with this. I've lost weight on purpose. I've lost it on accident. I've lost it because I'm training like a lunatic. I've lost it after taking antibiotics or the stomach flu. I've lost it when I'm sad. I've lost it when I'm stressed. I've lost it when I'm calculating every calorie in and calorie out. 

The sad part is no matter the reason, healthy or not, people notice weight loss. And.... they usually compliment me on it. It's hard not to feel attached to this new weight loss and the attention that comes with it. 

The love and attention that comes with weight loss can be life-affirming, exciting even. I want to acknowledge and validate that experience. It's real. People compliment you and pay more attention. Suddenly, you're catching eyes with more attractive strangers. Your friends might even be like, "Damn, girl. Your butt is looking amazing these days."

This is the slippery slope. 

When the number is low or dropping: love, attention, confidence, happiness. 

When the number is high or going up: self-hatred, less attention, low self-esteem, depression. 

If the scale makes you feel this way, you can't have good without the bad. 

If you base your self-worth off what this external object tells you on any given day, you are destined for a roller coaster ride. External validation is a lot like self-objectification. You don't see yourself as a WHOLE person, you just see the number.

And, girl, you're a lot more than that number. You know that, though.  

Do I look pretty?

This happens to me every damn day: I must decide what I have to wear. 

It makes me want to say Clay Davis's line from the Wire repeatedly. 

Being a woman and getting dressed is kind of absurd. Depending on where I'm going, I feel like I've got certain things to keep in mind.

Am I trying to look professional?

I better hide any part of me that might look young or sexy.  

Will there be any men staring at me during my journey? What streets am I walking down?

I shouldn't wear too tight of pants that draw attention to my butt or my legs. I better make sure my bra and my neck aren't showing too much. 

Am I seeing a particularly body conscious person today? 

Some friends seem to comment on whether I look skinny or not.  Since my skin is pale now, I feel like I should wear a different color shirt. 

How am I feeling about myself today? 

I feel a little bloated today from eating Chinese food yesterday. I don't know if I should hide my body in a big cozy sweater or put on something that makes me look sexy. 

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guessing that I'm not the only one who feels this way in the morning. 

This experience of seeing myself as other people see me is something called self-objectification. Self-objectification is seeing oneself as an object. In the current US media culture, this self-objectification often takes its form as sexual objectification. 

Studies have actually shown that this self-objectification increase rates of depression, habitual body monitoring, increased risk for eating disorders, lowered sexual pleasure, lower GPAs, and lower self-esteem. 

The answer, my friends, is to subjectify instead of objectify yourself. 

Here 3 Ways to Make Getting Dressed more about you:  

1. Function

What are you doing today? Do you need to walk through the elements? Will it be hot or cold? Dress for the weather. 

2. Self-care

What makes you feeeeeeel good and I mean this in a non-objectifying way. I mean this quite literally for myself. I like to wear soft clothes. I like to wear clothes that don't dig into my body and leave marks. I'm working on finding shoes that don't give me blisters. 

3. Wear what YOU want. 

One of the coolest and most liberating things about living in New York City is that you could walk around wearing a paper bag as an outfit and I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't look at you twice.  I'm firmly of the belief that if you think you look awesome, other people will too. Confidence is the sexiest, most professional thing you can put on. 

But the whole point is not caring what THEY think. You're the subject. 

Taking a week off

This week, I've got no new stories to share on the blog. 

Part of taking care of yourself sometimes is doing nothing. 

And, you know what, that's okay. 

If you're bored, check out my elaborate series of posts about intuitive eating here. 

Show your support for it by sharing, tweeting, and liking it. 

Have an awesome weekend!

Nicki Minaj is kind of my hero

I know this summer is going to be different. In fact, the whole world is going to be different. 

And, I think it's all due to Nicki Minaj. 

Fortunately, every single dance I've attended from birth has featured the musical stylings of Sir Mix-A-Lot. Nicki Minaj not only sampled these fine melodious beats but also took the booty back for women.

Thanks to her and Meghan Trainor during the summer of 2014, women everywhere are celebrating booties.  So instead of encouraging my clients to get their bikini body ready, I'm encouraging them to shake their bodies to a little Nicki. 

Here's why I kind of think she's the coolest:

1. She's sex positive.

Nicki Minaj steps into her sexuality in an empowered way. She takes the driver's seat of her own sexuality. Her rap echoes many other male emcees by bragging about sexual exploits.

I've mentioned before how enjoying pleasure in life is an important step in becoming an intuitive eater. Being proud and positive about your sexuality is an awesome way to just take care of your own needs. 

But more than that, she's choosing to be the subject instead of the object. And that's some cool beans. 

2. She thinks her fat ass is sexy and she thinks other women should like theirs too. 

Anaconda is explicitly a song for women who identify with having a "big butt." Minaj has taken some heat for calling out skinny bitches but I'll let Melissa Fabello explain why "skinny-shaming" is not exactly the same as fat-shaming here. 

When popular culture shows and praises more diverse bodies, we all get a little more comfortable with diverse bodies, which makes a lot of people's lives easier. After all, a fat ass shouldn't stop you from getting down in the club. 

3. She's a female rapper totally redefining the scene. 

Nicki Minaj does not self-identify as a feminist. In an interview with Vogue, she mentioned she can't quite make anybody happy. 

It's cool that Nicki Minaj is just proud to be herself and to be creating something totally new and different. 

And that's something I'm willing to dance about. 

What to eat on your first date

Smart, handsome guy across the table. 

You're laughing. You're enjoying yourself. You're connecting. 

The date is going really well. 

And then, you think, "SHOOT. What am I going to eat?"

You realize the menu basically only has burgers, salads, and an uber expensive entree and you're not sure who is going to pay. 

You think, "I SHOULD eat a salad but then he'll think I'm a bird.If I get the burger, will he think that I don't take care of myself? And if I get the entree, maybe he'll think I'm assuming he's paying and I think money is important"

Yeeesh!!!!!!!!!! Look, I'm not going to say definitively that guys don't worry about this in the same way that women do. I'm saying that more women might relate to this story. 

This scene demonstrates the unique relationship a lot of women have with food. Food is fraught with anxiety.

Because most women are objectified in media today, many women learn to self-objectify. Self-objectification leads you down this rabbit hole. During a date, especially a heteronormative one, the female is the object of desire. 

As Gloria Steinam once said, "A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space."

In the first date scenario, the woman feels evaluated on this simple task of eating. External validation and approval from this guy seems important and our heroine seems pretty helpless. 

You may start to notice a theme in these blog posts.: 

Ladies, ladies, ladies, YOU ARE ENOUGH. 

If this guy cares that you're craving a salad, a burger, or a filet mignon and is disappointed in whatever meal choice you're making, he's not good enough for you. Nobody should be evaluating you on what food you decide to eat on any given night of the week. 

So, eat what you want. Do you. And then, maybe even offer to pick up the check.