Check Yo' Privilege

Sometimes,  to change the way we feel about our bodies, we have to understand WHY we feel the way we do about our bodies. 

Last week, I talked about how smart and successful women struggle with their body image. This struggle is not just a result of female hysteria or any nonsense like that. There are REAL ways in which being thin is to your advantage in this world. 

Another word for advantage is: privilege. 

I'm going to let Melissa Fabello explain what thin privilege is. 

Next week, I'll talk about what to do about it. 

Weight is for real

I'm hoping you listened to the This American Life episode that I posted last week. 

If not, spoilers ahead. 

In it, Ira Glass, the podcast host, discusses what it means to be fat. He talks with fat activist, Lindy West. Elna Baker tells her story of actively working to stay thin. Then, he speaks with famous feminist and activist, Roxane Gay. Roxane Gay discusses her struggle with accepting her larger body. 

The most striking story to me was Elna's story. She ends the story by admitting that she misses the person she used to be when she was fat. She felt this person was optimistic and good. She believed the world would be good.  Elna knows she is not necessarily a better or healthier person at a lower weight. And yet, because she knows that her life has been unjustly easier in a smaller body, she continues to pursue it. 

Elna's story breaks your heart. 

She highlights her plastic surgery to get rid of the loose skin from her rapid weight loss. After the surgery, one cut ripped open up her leg and she was not mobile enough to stop the bleeding. She mentions at the end that she still takes diet pills that prevent her from sleeping. She notes her new husband wouldn't have noticed her in her old body. 

Her story resonates because it's not just some insane thing she's decided to do. She rationalizes everything because she saw the world both ways. She experienced the world as the same person before and the only variable she changed was her weight. It changed the course of her life. 

I am struck by this story because I think it puts to words the real reasons why we all want to lose weight. 

The stakes are so high because it affects us. It affects our career. It affects our finances. It affects our romantic prospects.  

It's why we are willing to sacrifice so much for this goal. We give up money, time, family, friends, or happiness. 

 We fear being fat because there are REAL consequences for being a different size. 

I'm a big fan of Roxane Gay. So, I love Ira Glass for bringing her on to talk about living in a fat body. I loved her honesty in her conversation with Ira Glass. She joked that it's a lot easier for women who are "Lane Bryant fat" to accept their body. Lane Bryant has clothes that go up to a women's size 32. 

Roxane Gay admits that she wants to accept her body. She says she tries really hard to accept her body but she can't. 

Again, this was striking to me because this woman is brave, amazing, smart and funny. Even with all her accolades, she still struggles with all the bullshit of being a larger woman. 

This successful and smart person STRUGGLES. 

It's because we don't make clothes or furniture for her size. The world was built for people who are smaller. 

I think this is true of the world for other people too. Without the "right" skin color, genitalia, or sexual preference, people STRUGGLE a lot. 

STILL, I believe all people have a right to human dignity. I believe we shouldn't have to STRUGGLE just because we were born looking a certain way. 

It shouldn't matter if people are smart, healthy, wealthy, ugly, pretty, fat, skinny, short, tall, black, white, gay, straight, or whatever. 

It's why I'm passionate about this work. It's FUCKED up that our answer to people who just want to exist in the world is, "Change who you are. Or, at the very least, TRY to change who you are and we will finally accept you."

I'm not okay with that. I don't think it's healthier for people either.

We all deserve love, success, and equal opportunities. We're all human after all. 

Listen to this!

Hope your summer is going really well!

It seems that Ira Glass is gettin' hip to the Health at Every Size movement. 

It's an AWESOME episode of This American Life. 

Listen to it on the blog!

Will shame make you thinner?

The short answer to this question is no. 

It feels like shame will make you thinner. It feels like hating our bodies will somehow magically make it look better. 

But, here are 5 reasons that being ashamed of your body doesn't actually work to make you thinner even if that's what you think you should be. 

1. Shame doesn't work to discipline the body. 

To quote Brene Brown, "Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change." 

When we grab at pieces of our body and tell our reflection in the mirror that we are ugly and lazy, we zap the part of ourselves that makes us want to change. 

Shame takes us from thinking we are capable to thinking we are stuck. Worse than that, it makes us believe we are somehow inherently incapable. We ARE bad. It's not just our actions that are bad but our whole being is bad. 

So, if you're so bad, how are you supposed to change? 

2. Shame can't change biology, baby.

You can call yourself mean names all day but shame can't change your set point. 

If you've read my blog, you know that I've mentioned set point theory a gazillion times. And for the gazillionth time, set point theory means that your body has a range mostly determined by genetics and stays within that range regardless of what you want your weight to be. It explains why our weight loss plateaus and slowly creeps back up even if we're doing everything the same. 

So, even if you feel super BAD about how you ate, slept, or exercised today, it's not going to change your set point. 

It turns out you can't hate your way to weight loss. 

3. Shame can affect digestion.

There are neurotransmitters in your gut which means that how you feel can affect how you digest. Your guilt or shame around food can actually activate your "fight or flight" response. According to this article by Marc David of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating: 

"If you're feeling guilty about eating the ice cream or judging yourself for eating it, the hypothalamus will take this negative input and send signals down the sympathetic fibers of the autonomic nervous system. This initiates inhibitory responses in the digestive organs which means you'll be eating your ice cream but not fully metabolizing it."

If you've ever had a lot of guilt after a meal, you might feel like you have an upset stomach. You might feel bloated. You might hold on to that ice cream longer and you might store it. That doesn't sound like an effective strategy for weight loss. 

Notice how your guilt and shame affect the way you feel after eating. 

4. If you feel guilt and shame, it might lead you to eat emotionally. 

To quote the infamous Austin Powers character, Fat Bastard, "I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat." 

One wouldn't think such wisdom would come from a Mike Myers film but a lot of times, feeling guilty around foods just leads to more eating of the food that makes us feel guilty.

Listen, I don't even think emotional eating is that bad. Hating yourself, however, will NOT help you stop eating the ice cream that you eat as a coping mechanism.

5. Shame prevents us from listening to our body. 

Shame's worst crime is taking us away from our body's needs. If you are constantly pissed at your body for eating or eating too much or eating carbs when you're supposed to be Paleo, you start to develop a really terrible relationship with your body. You don't trust it. 

And not trusting your body means you don't listen to what it needs. You don't eat when you're hungry. You don't stop when you're full. You don't go for walks when you need them. You don't stop running when you have bad knees. You don't take care of your body because you're mad at her. 

That sucks. 

Your body is this super awesome machine that's completing like I dunno a billion chemical reactions a day. It's what takes you through life. It's what creates life. It's the body that's helped you build your career and your life. If you're able-bodied, it allows you to talk, walk, run, cook, clean, play music, explore, travel, or have sex.

Since you're stuck hanging out in this body, why not love it? Why not appreciate it? Why not take care of it instead of yelling at it like a mean nun at a Catholic school in the 50s? 

Being mean to your body is not actually making you thinner. So, please just stop.