Do I look pretty?

This happens to me every damn day: I must decide what I have to wear. 

It makes me want to say Clay Davis's line from the Wire repeatedly. 

Being a woman and getting dressed is kind of absurd. Depending on where I'm going, I feel like I've got certain things to keep in mind.

Am I trying to look professional?

I better hide any part of me that might look young or sexy.  

Will there be any men staring at me during my journey? What streets am I walking down?

I shouldn't wear too tight of pants that draw attention to my butt or my legs. I better make sure my bra and my neck aren't showing too much. 

Am I seeing a particularly body conscious person today? 

Some friends seem to comment on whether I look skinny or not.  Since my skin is pale now, I feel like I should wear a different color shirt. 

How am I feeling about myself today? 

I feel a little bloated today from eating Chinese food yesterday. I don't know if I should hide my body in a big cozy sweater or put on something that makes me look sexy. 

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guessing that I'm not the only one who feels this way in the morning. 

This experience of seeing myself as other people see me is something called self-objectification. Self-objectification is seeing oneself as an object. In the current US media culture, this self-objectification often takes its form as sexual objectification. 

Studies have actually shown that this self-objectification increase rates of depression, habitual body monitoring, increased risk for eating disorders, lowered sexual pleasure, lower GPAs, and lower self-esteem. 

The answer, my friends, is to subjectify instead of objectify yourself. 

Here 3 Ways to Make Getting Dressed more about you:  

1. Function

What are you doing today? Do you need to walk through the elements? Will it be hot or cold? Dress for the weather. 

2. Self-care

What makes you feeeeeeel good and I mean this in a non-objectifying way. I mean this quite literally for myself. I like to wear soft clothes. I like to wear clothes that don't dig into my body and leave marks. I'm working on finding shoes that don't give me blisters. 

3. Wear what YOU want. 

One of the coolest and most liberating things about living in New York City is that you could walk around wearing a paper bag as an outfit and I'm pretty sure most people wouldn't look at you twice.  I'm firmly of the belief that if you think you look awesome, other people will too. Confidence is the sexiest, most professional thing you can put on. 

But the whole point is not caring what THEY think. You're the subject. 

Don't be dull

All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl. 

And when Jill is a dull girl, Jill likes to find fun foods because eating is her only real break ( or she totally loses it in an isolated mountainous hotel).  

 I live in New York City and New York City is a very expensive place. In order to stay here and work here, one has to work very hard just to stay afloat. 

When I first graduated from NYU, I had job at a grocery store.

The hours were pretty horrible. The pay was pretty minimal but I was hoping that I could somehow grow in my field by continuing to stay there. Being low-ranking in retail is especially challenging because you have to be available at all times. That means late at night and on the weekends.  And that's what I did. 

This meant that whenever fun activities at night and the weekends would come up, I would politely decline in favor of my work. So, instead of seeing my friends and being 22, I stayed home and spent a lot of time with Netflix and Hulu.

It was pretty grinding and soul-crushing. 

My big release, however, were snacks and alcohol. I loved coming home and enjoying whatever snack I found on sale and whatever interesting IPA I could afford. Other nights, it was cereal. 

And because it was the most fun part of my day, many nights I couldn't stop eating. I would eat WAAAAAAAY past my fullness cue.

I don't tell this story to show you guys how awesome I am. I mean, I am, but that's beyond the point.

 Symbolic restriction in our lives can lead to literal "binges" with our food.

When we limit what we do, our body compensates. In the same way that calorie restriction actually physiologically sets you up for a binge because your body becomes convinced that you're starving, mentally restricting our lives can also result in the physical manifestation of binging on food. For other people, binging might look more like overspending, drug or alcohol abuse, or, in the case of The Shining, a full psychotic break. 

By loosening the reins on our lives, we can actually achieve a healthier relationship with food. 

Here's what helped me to survive those dark days:

1. I came to terms with the fact that I was hungry after my late night shifts. 

I had to accept that I needed a little self-love after a long day behind the register. This brought a little mindfulness to my late-night snacking.

2.  I got promoted. 

Hard work pays off. Eventually, I had a new job that allowed me to have a little bit more control over my schedule which meant that I could actually plan a few things with my friends and family to relax. 

3. I made friends with my coworkers

Coworkers understand why your schedule is sooo crazy and don't think you're just blowing them off when you can't hang. They know your schedule and understand when you can't make it. Also, it makes work more fun when you go in and get to hang out with people you like. 

So, for those of you that feel trapped by your lifestyle right now and KNOW you're using food as a way to manage it, let's talk. Schedule your first  FREE session with me.

Nicki Minaj is kind of my hero

I know this summer is going to be different. In fact, the whole world is going to be different. 

And, I think it's all due to Nicki Minaj. 

Fortunately, every single dance I've attended from birth has featured the musical stylings of Sir Mix-A-Lot. Nicki Minaj not only sampled these fine melodious beats but also took the booty back for women.

Thanks to her and Meghan Trainor during the summer of 2014, women everywhere are celebrating booties.  So instead of encouraging my clients to get their bikini body ready, I'm encouraging them to shake their bodies to a little Nicki. 

Here's why I kind of think she's the coolest:

1. She's sex positive.

Nicki Minaj steps into her sexuality in an empowered way. She takes the driver's seat of her own sexuality. Her rap echoes many other male emcees by bragging about sexual exploits.

I've mentioned before how enjoying pleasure in life is an important step in becoming an intuitive eater. Being proud and positive about your sexuality is an awesome way to just take care of your own needs. 

But more than that, she's choosing to be the subject instead of the object. And that's some cool beans. 

2. She thinks her fat ass is sexy and she thinks other women should like theirs too. 

Anaconda is explicitly a song for women who identify with having a "big butt." Minaj has taken some heat for calling out skinny bitches but I'll let Melissa Fabello explain why "skinny-shaming" is not exactly the same as fat-shaming here. 

When popular culture shows and praises more diverse bodies, we all get a little more comfortable with diverse bodies, which makes a lot of people's lives easier. After all, a fat ass shouldn't stop you from getting down in the club. 

3. She's a female rapper totally redefining the scene. 

Nicki Minaj does not self-identify as a feminist. In an interview with Vogue, she mentioned she can't quite make anybody happy. 

It's cool that Nicki Minaj is just proud to be herself and to be creating something totally new and different. 

And that's something I'm willing to dance about. 

3 Reasons to Stop Worrying about George R.R. Martin

George R.R. Martin officially issued the finger to his readers concerned he will die before he finishes his series of books that have inspired the HBO series, Game of Thrones.

And, I have to say, I agree.  

For those of you unfamiliar, George R.R. Martin is a sturdy man of about 66 years old. Some readers and fans of the books and series have concerns about his "health" because he is "overweight."

This is, quite frankly, BULLSHIT. 

Here are 3 reasons you don't have to worry about Georgey. 

1. You have no personal information about his health. Nor should you. 

I believe I've talked about this in other blog posts, but according to the Nurse's Health Study, weight is just one factor in living a long life. And actually, if he's exercising, eating fruits and vegetables, limiting alcohol, and getting good sleep, weight isn't even a factor in longevity of life. 

But the truth is, we don't know about his personal health habits and, because he's not a health guru showing up every other week on Dr. Oz, we probably don't have a right to that.

It's called privacy. It's the reason your mother-in-law can't look up your history of gynecological visits and make judgements about you based off of how many UTIs you've had. 

 Which brings me to my next point. 

2. To quote Neil Gaiman,  "George R.R. Martin is not your bitch."

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that George R.R. Martin probably has a publicist or agent. That means any time he does an event or writes a show or hangs out with other celebrity fantasy novelists, it's supposed to show up somewhere in the media. To, I don't know, help increase public awareness or SEO so that either he or HBO can make a living off what they're doing. 

We're not sitting there being like, goddamnit Jennifer Lawrence, why isn't all of your energy going into making more Hunger Games? Because, well, she has to eat and sleep and focus on other projects. 

Just like you publicly liking things on Facebook when you have other projects that you're working on that maybe other people would like you to finish. 

And, that's why I have to bring up my 3rd point. 

3. Shaming other people for their weight doesn't really help you. 

This whole idea warrants its own blog post which is coming your way soon but here's the simple logic of it: 

If you're judging someone else because of their weight, then you probably worry that other people judge your weight. 

If you're worried about other people judging you based off your weight, then you're probably fixated on fixing your weight.

And, as we established earlier, weight doesn't really matter if you're taking care of your body. 

Stop worrying about weight even if you can't "wait" for more Game of Thrones. 

Oh, homophones.

What to eat on your first date

Smart, handsome guy across the table. 

You're laughing. You're enjoying yourself. You're connecting. 

The date is going really well. 

And then, you think, "SHOOT. What am I going to eat?"

You realize the menu basically only has burgers, salads, and an uber expensive entree and you're not sure who is going to pay. 

You think, "I SHOULD eat a salad but then he'll think I'm a bird.If I get the burger, will he think that I don't take care of myself? And if I get the entree, maybe he'll think I'm assuming he's paying and I think money is important"

Yeeesh!!!!!!!!!! Look, I'm not going to say definitively that guys don't worry about this in the same way that women do. I'm saying that more women might relate to this story. 

This scene demonstrates the unique relationship a lot of women have with food. Food is fraught with anxiety.

Because most women are objectified in media today, many women learn to self-objectify. Self-objectification leads you down this rabbit hole. During a date, especially a heteronormative one, the female is the object of desire. 

As Gloria Steinam once said, "A pedestal is as much a prison as any small, confined space."

In the first date scenario, the woman feels evaluated on this simple task of eating. External validation and approval from this guy seems important and our heroine seems pretty helpless. 

You may start to notice a theme in these blog posts.: 

Ladies, ladies, ladies, YOU ARE ENOUGH. 

If this guy cares that you're craving a salad, a burger, or a filet mignon and is disappointed in whatever meal choice you're making, he's not good enough for you. Nobody should be evaluating you on what food you decide to eat on any given night of the week. 

So, eat what you want. Do you. And then, maybe even offer to pick up the check.