Musings on Tess Holliday

Today I had a great conversation with my friend @DrGhavami about what my options are to work on some of the things the ☀️ & mothering two children has done to my body. These aren't "flaws" - but they are things that have taken away from what makes me feel sexy in my own skin. Part of what I aim to do with #effyourbeautystandards is to let people feel like they are allowed to make choices for their own body. Whether that is shaving or not, getting tattooed or pierced, working out to change your body or choosing to undergo plastic surgery - you are allowed to love your body and still want to change things about yourself. As long as YOU are in charge of your body, and are doing it to make YOU happy, then what you do with your body is your business! @drghavami is ethical, kind & his passion for what he does really shines through. Proud to call him a friend🙌🏼💕 #effyourbeautystandards #drghavami

A photo posted by Plus Model✖️ Mom ✖️ Feminist🌹 (@tessholliday) on Aug 23, 2016 at 8:46pm PDT

Tess Holliday is considering plastic surgery and I'm feeling all the feels about it. 

Before I ruffle any feathers about my opinion on this, I want to say a couple things: 

1) The patriarchy does not own all aesthetic decisions that women make. 

This is the crux of the point that Tess Holliday is making. She is specifically saying that she does not view her body as "flawed." She just wants to make some changes to it. 

 I don't think that the patriarchy influences my aesthetic choices always. For example, when I choose to wear a sweater, it's usually because it's cold outside. It's not because "the man" is telling me to wear a sweater. 

It's important to acknowledge that Tess Holliday sees herself having agency in this decision. There's no gun pointed at her head or an abusive husband demanding that she change her body. This is something that I've talked about before. It is possible to have agency in the patriarchy. 

2) This post is helpfully vague in what she is planning on changing. 

 It's hard to know what her decision is based on when we don't know what's going on. Maybe she is getting scars or stretch marks removed. Maybe she is adding scars and stretch marks. She could be getting a mastectomy or another medical procedure and still wants to keep her modeling career. 

We just don't know. And it probably is none of our damn business. It's her Instagram page not her medical record, even if she's a public figure.

3) Tess Holliday's body positivity is palatable. That is what makes her a successful activist. 

When I first starting trying to look at larger bodies and see them as beautiful, I went on Pinterest. I looked up plus size models in bikinis. 

Tess Holliday, Kate Upton,  and Ashley Graham look like the runway models we usually see. Their frames are hourglass. Their skin is clear. Their makeup is on point. They are predominantly white and upper class. They generally are trying look like Cindy Crawford. 

Seeing women who are bigger who look beautiful really really really helps. 

In a big way (pun intended), Tess Holliday is helping women. She's showing people bigger women can be attractive in a way that allows them to see it. She uses these markers of traditional attractiveness to make people comfortable. 

 Having scars or stretch marks or parts of her body that prevent her from making this appeal are "off brand." They might be taking away from her work as an activist in a pivotal way. 

4) And, yes, absolutely, Tess, "what you do with your body is your business."  

That is at the heart of the pro-choice movement. Whatever you decide, you still own your body. Nobody else does. 

But... I'm still a little disappointed. 

 Her choices affect other women because she is a public figure. 

I've talked about Anita Sarkeesian's talk about choice feminism. The choices we make have an impact on other women. 

Not all choices, just for being choices, are feminist choices. My choice to wear a sweater is not a feminist choice if I'm making it based on the weather. 

 I think what she's saying is CONFUSING. 

How can she explain to women looking up to her how she decided what she didn't like isn't a "flaw?" 

It's just confusing. She's saying, "Yeah yeah yeah. I'm perfect. I don't need to change but I'm going to and I want to." 

 The exercise and diet obsessed, who were on the path to recovery, now have this Instagram post to point to. They can say, "But I don't like my body. It's my body. I get to decide. I can decide to keep doing (insert unhealthy behavior)."

 The "man" could appropriate this to convince women that body hate is "empowerment."

I did a lot of work in therapy on being able to hold two things at once. I can love my body and I can want to change it. You can certainly love your body. You can certainly change your body as an act of love. 

My concern is how companies appropriate the language of body positivity to sell products. I fear we won't allow women to feel like they can just be in their bodies as they are. We will use the language of body positivity and feminism to "empower" women to hate their bodies. 

This has already happened around dieting and health. These days we mask disdain for fat people with "concern for their health." 

 It makes me sad that even my heroes can feel like they want to change.

I'm disappointed because women like her are the women I look to on my bad body image days. When I dislike how my body looks, I want to see women who are unabashedly proud of how their body looks every damn day. 

I want Instagram posts about jiggly thighs and stretch marks and scars and saggy boobs. I want to see belly rolls and wrinkles and birth marks. Instead, I'm seeing a "body positive" advertisement for cosmetic surgery. 

But, here's my deus ex machina. 

I appreciate that Tess Holliday is being honest. I appreciate that she's being vulnerable. I appreciate that she is tackling this complex concept of how she chooses to live in her body. 

After all, the rest of us make choices everyday about what we're going to change and what we won't. 

For example, I shave my legs but I don't shave other parts. I sometimes wear makeup and braid my hair and care about what clothes I'm wearing. It would be too exhausting to be perfectly feminist or perfectly body positive. 

I don't think you have to walk around in a paper bag and demand that society accept you as you are.

 BUT.... society should accept us unchanged, naked, make-up free, belly rolls, stretch marks, saggy boobs and all. 

We're all human beings, right? 

Your Excuse to Eat Whatever You Want

This is your excuse to eat the chocolate covered whatever. 

What if it were healthy to eat chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels? 

When I worked for an eating disorder treatment center, this was a no-brainer. The sickest patients needed to eat.  

The staff encouraged clients to eat caloric snacks and presented them with "fear foods." These "fear foods" included cookie butter, oreos, and chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels. 

These women NEEDED these snacks. 

They needed them because they needed something with lots of protein and fat. They needed them because they needed the calories. They needed them because they needed to have a neutral relationship with food. 

At the eating disorder treatment center, the dietitians often used nutrition to support this. For example, we might explain to a patient that ice cream has calcium.  Butter, too, has some nutritional benefits. 

Food serves several roles in our lives. 

We need nutrients to survive. Protein and fat are two critical macro nutrients. Macro is Greek for large. In other words, it means they are a large part of nutrients we need. (cite sources). 

Calories give our bodies the fuel it needs to do its thing. Calories are just a measure of energy. (cite source). 

We need to feel normal around food. Feeling crazy around food is asking for trouble. We eat food three times a day at least. Would you think it's healthy to feel crazy three times every day? 

We need to eat to re-connect. This is where I get all weird and religious. Going to church as a kid and eating transubstantiated Jesus was about "communion." It's about getting together with your neighbors, hanging out and eating. This can be a spiritual practice if that word doesn't freak you out or it can be social or emotional.

Dieting and eating disorders isolate people. They make it harder to cook a meal for everyone. They make it harder for everyone to eat together. 

 Try to remember that food is something you're supposed to eat. 

I remember when I was a kid, I used to just think all foods were healthy and good for me. I never worried that food was poisoning me. 

My goal as a coach is to make you feel that way again. I want to make you feel like you are safe and able to eat without fear.  

Before you jump in with your rebuttal, I know we live in a post Michael Pollan world. We can't run around and believe that we will get our daily value of magnesium from 24 oz Coke products. But, I think we can find something valuable from anything we might choose to consume. 

Is there any food that you're afraid of? Write it down in the comments. I've got my college nutrition book out and my thinking cap on. I will respond to everything with a reason why it might be healthy to eat it. Extra credit if you have your own reason.

Big News!

I moved to Santa Monica, California!!!

This means that I'm starting fresh out here both literally and figuratively. (This is a joke about how fresh the food is here). 

But it's also a place that has a lot people stuck on the diet bandwagon.

I've already witnessed at least 3 people talk about how important weight loss is to them in the checkout line. 

PLEASE help me get the word out!  

You can: 

A. Share Phenomenal Jane with your friends in California... if you like it. 

B. Tell me about companies/people who are in alignment with my coaching practice who would be a good person to reach out to. 

C. Read my blog posts

Summa Time

It's August. 

Which means it's your last chance to take a vacation before September rolls around. 

That's exactly what I'm doing: vacating. 

For the next two weeks, no new blog posts. 

I encourage you to vacate too! 

Privilege can affect your health

I mentioned last week that I want to address how to deal with thin privilege. 

Privilege is when, for a reason that is out of your control, you have an advantage. Thin privilege refers to the privilege that people who are considered thin have. For example, I am white and middle class. In the world I live in, this provides me with advantages that I might not have if I was not white or middle class. Thin privilege specifically refers to people the advantages one gets just for being thin. 

In last week's post with Melissa Fabello, she lays out the definition of thin privilege pretty clearly. Click here to check it out. 

(Disclaimer: I benefit from thin privilege. As such, I know that I am not the expert on living with a body that does not have thin privilege. )

The real problem with thin privilege is that it elevates one body type while silently disadvantaging another type. If you feel discriminated against, it's hard to feel good in your body. It's hard to fit it in when you physically can't fit in. 

People feel size discrimination in a visceral way. 

It turns out that it's not great for your health if you struggle every time you try on a dress or sit in a chair. It's not great for your health if you can't find a date on the most popular dating app. It's not great for your health if someone looks down on you every time you order french fries.

This everyday experience of straight-up discrimination can be rough. In fact, research shows that disempowerment leads to poor health. 

I learned this recently on a new podcast. created by Caroline Dooner, creator of the Fuck it Diet. She interviewed Linda Bacon. Linda Bacon is the brilliant researcher behind Health at Every Size and Body Respect. Everybody loves Linda Bacon because she is the go-to source for all things Health at Every Size.

In Linda's conversation with Caroline, she emphasized the effect privilege has on health. 

She says social positioning in the world really has the most impact on health. She points out that people who feel disempowered often struggle with staying healthy.  

She remarks that even the CDC says that behavior plays less than a 1/4 of a role in health outcome. The biggest contributors are race, sex and money. The more resources and support you have in the world, the easier it is to live a healthy life. 

She mentions a study about diabetes. In the study, they gave people with diabetes and were lower income housing vouchers. This alone reduced diabetic symptoms. This means that changing a person's social environment has an enormous impact on that person's health. 

People talk about the war on obesity as if it's so simple. They make it sound like it's just calories in and calories out. It's not. 

The CDC says that behavior only affects health outcomes less than 1/4 of the time. This means that the best way to fight thin privilege is to not treat people who don't have it like they don't deserve it. 

Instead of jumping on another diet, the best thing to do is create a culture where people have more resources and support.

And you can do your part by joining this list or sharing it with your friends!